My poetry streak continues…
socialised into obedience
i dream of being bad
of running wild through the night
setting fire to cars
but i don’t
because property damage is wrong
or so i’ve been told
A new poem
This is another new poem.
things bubble up
like sharks from an oil spill
sudden and savage and shocking
emotions surprising me
so that’s how i feel!
i wish i could tell in advance
and not be ambushed by feeling
every. single. time.
© bardofupton 2019
Reading project, week ending 27 Jan 2019
What have I read this week?
Smoke and Summons (Numina book 1) by Charlie N Holmberg
This is a fantasy novel about a girl named Sandis and a man named Rone. Sandis has been bound to a numina, which is sort of like a demon. Rone is a thief. Sandis runs away from her master and gets tangled up with Rone. It was an interesting read. I will probably read more in this series.
Lies Sleeping by Ben Aaronovitch
This is the latest book in the Rivers of London series. I enjoyed it, but I kind of want something new to happen, rather than the same overarching storyline continuing. I will continue reading the series though, because I do like the characters.
© bardofupton 2019
scars (poem)
This is a new poem.
my scars are the map of my life
my history written in my body
each mark a story a step a stumble
each bruised or broken place a memory
a memorial in flesh
a walking history
traceable by fingers
visible on x-rays
my uniqueness stamped on skin and bones
i read myself in the mirror
the book of my self decoded
my secrets laid out for my eyes to see
a palimpsest of my journey
the map that marks the territory of my existence
i close my eyes and read my story by touch
feel my history under my skin
decode my past
i remember my yesterdays
what I’ve survived
and i feel strong
alive and present
© bardofupton 2019
Another new poem
This is yet another new poem.
you stole my words
my voice
my language
and i hate you for that
more than for what you did to me
because my words are all i have
you ripped out my tongue
ground it beneath your feet
and it took me seven years to regrow it
but the new tongue is never the same as the old
never as fluent
sometimes it forgets how to speak
and so you silence me still
half a lifetime away
i screamed inside for years
but couldn’t be heard
i still can’t scream out loud
my tongue can’t bear it
but at least i can speak my truth
my new tongue can do that much
and that is enough
© bardofupton 2019
Reading project, week ending 20 Jan 2019
What have I read this week?
A Woman in Berlin by Anonymous
This is a memoir written by a woman during the Russian occupation of Berlin in 1945. It’s very interesting, but also quite depressing because of some of the stuff that happens.
The Frame-up (The Golden Arrow Mysteries Book 1) by Meghan Scott Molin
This is a novel about a woman called MG who is a comic book artist and costume designer who becomes mixed up in a police investigation. I didn’t really like it – I found MG a very annoying character, and since it’s from first-person perspective, you can’t get away from her. For that reason, I’m unlikely to read any more of the series
Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded: A Decade of Whatever, 1998-2008 by John Scalzi
This is a collection of blog entries from Scalzi’s blog. I didn’t like it quite as much as I like his fiction.
The Dark Lord of Derkholm by Diana Wynne Jones
This is a fantasy novel. It’s a spoof of fantasy tropes and a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it.
© bardofupton 2019
A new poem
This is another new poem.
your words fall upon me
like a thunderbolt from the sky
the air crashing together behind the strike of your speech
every word another stone on my shoulders
weighing me down
with your rage and grief
passing your pain
to me
so you can walk away
relieved
as i stagger on
under your burden
© bardofupton 2019
Another new poem
This is a new poem. I seem to be on a poetry-writing streak at the moment.
poetry is my heartbeat
essential
necessary
words are my blood
constantly moving through me
my fingers snap with the rhythm
my feet move to the beat
my brain flickers with phrases
they spurt onto paper
uncontrolled
poetry is my breath
keeping me alive
i move through a sea of words
diving here is second nature
i swim to the shore
pearly poem clutched between my teeth
spit it triumphantly onto the sand
and immediately swim back out
in search of another
© bardofupton 2019
Reading project, week ending 13 Jan 2019
What have I read this week?
Head On by John Scalzi
This is a science fiction novel. It is the sequel to Lock In. It’s about an FBI agent called Chris Shane, who suffers from Haden’s Syndrome, s disease which causes locked-in syndrome. He is investigating a possible murder. I enjoyed this a lot. It’s a fun read.
Penric’s Mission, Penric’s Fox and Mira’s Last Dance by Lois McMaster Bujold
These are books 3, 4 and 5 in the Penric and Desdemona series. I really enjoyed them and am looking forward to the next one.
© bardofupton 2019
the box (poem)
This is a new poem.
I have locked myself in a box
it’s a small box
too-small box
gender box
sexuality box
race box
I have locked myself in a box
or was it you?
did you build this box, and stuff me in it?
before I was even born, did you make this box for me?
without asking
without knowing me
you made a box and called it girl
called it straight
called it black
but none of those boxes quite fit me
I have been cramped for years
joints folded tight tight
face pressed into my chest
I have locked myself in a box that you made
I was locked in the box that you made
it was cramped and uncomfortable
I couldn’t breathe
I tried to cut parts of myself off to fit
but they grew back
they wouldn’t go away
eventually I broke the box
I couldn’t fit at all
all the parts I tried to remove are too big for the box
it’s a small box
too-small box
you made me small in the box
sometimes I try to climb back in
it’s not comfortable but some days it feels safe
just my head pokes out
I almost fit
some days I want to fit
it’s easier if you fit in the box
easier if you have the right parts
right face
right brain
right heart
I’m not right
all wrong in fact
that’s why I don’t fit in the box
the small box
the too-small box
I locked myself in a box
as a child
I grew up in a box
a small box
a too-small box
to break the box
I had to learn to see it
I had to feel it crush me as I grew
to feel my breathing constricted
my limbs twisted and bent
I had to let the box damage me
before I could break free
I was locked in a box for years
a small box
a too-small box
and it takes years to break free of the box
it’s always there in the corner of the room
somehow I can never throw it away
the box
the small box
the too-small box
I’d like to throw away the box
but I’m afraid you’ll force me back in it
if you find it lying around outside
so I keep it safe
the too-small box smells of fear
and despair and denial
it smells like where hope goes to die
it smells like where I used to live
but I don’t live there any more
I live outside the box
but I carry it with me
all the time
Random Ramblings 