A poem

Another new poem:

every grief is the first grief
dredged up from the depths where I buried it

every grief is a reminder
of what’s lost, what’s gone
of gaps and tender places in the mind

every grief is an obstacle course
of everyday objects that now mean more
by meaning “less”
by recollections of the departed
meaning infused so personally that it confuses others
– why should a frog make me cry? –
a glimpse, a sound, a memory
bringing loss in their wake
not just this loss, but every loss
stacked one upon another in a skyscraper of sorrow

because every grief is the first grief
every grief is the only grief
every grief breaks me a little more
because I never remember sadness
every time is the first, but worse
and every time it’s harder to overcome
harder to get back

every grief is the first grief
and it doesn’t get better with experience
I have never levelled up
I have never learnt how to cope
how to push it down and move on
only how to run and hide
hoping time will blunt the edges of pain
before it drowns me

every grief is the first grief

© bardofupton 2018

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