Another poem about pain

I’m not entirely happy with this one, but I think it mostly conveys what I want to say:

fractured light
splintered diamond
light begets light
as pain begets pain
stabbing striking stinging
burning
flaring up and through
stealing breath
pulling me into my centre
where only agony exists
where time stretches
elongating my torment into subjective aeons
trapping me within myself

alone with pain is never alone
it accompanies me, inside but apart
the unwelcome guest, the unwanted gift you cannot refuse
it sits behind every breath, colours every thought
tempers every impulse with the fear
the fear of worsening of injury of damaging the parts that currently work
the fear of change, because stasis is safe
because if you can find the perfect position (you can’t)
then nothing will hurt (it will, it will, it always does)

pain makes me a coward
desperate to make it stop
willing to give up and give in
willing to shrink my self, my life
but
i cannot live so small (not for long)

there is more than pain
life is not just the indrawn breath but also the exhale

grit my teeth and keep walking
let the hope of painlessness recede
it’s not for me, not anymore
that road is for others
i walk on glass where they stroll on grass
but
nonetheless
i still walk
i still walk
i
still
walk

© bardofupton 2018

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