Writing project, April 2019

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This month’s word is voice, meaning “the sound or sounds uttered through the mouth of living creatures, especially of human beings in speaking, shouting, singing, etc.”.

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I have an amazing voice. Everyone says so.

Sorry, I know that’s not what you asked. How did I first realise my talent, wasn’t it? I’m not sure I’d really call it a talent! It’s just a feature of me. I think, though, it was when I started going to school. I always thought that everyone reacted to children’s voices the way my family did to mine. I mean, you do, don’t you, when you’re little? You think everyone’s family is the same as yours. I thought everyone gathered around to listen adoringly to their children.

When I went to school, I suppose. I noticed that the teachers responded differently to the other children. And after a few weeks someone contacted the authorities and I was taken away from my family.

For my own good, they told me. They said it would be safer. Although they never made it clear who for.

After that, it was testing, testing and more testing. And then they decided to train me as a diplomat. Well, you know how that turned out! Accusations of undue influence, a UN resolution passed banning the use of people with “special abilities” in diplomatic positions, and of course, the Search.

Yes, I wish the Search had found someone else, anyone else, who was like me. It’s lonely being the only one. It’s lonely being me. I can’t even date, because I can’t turn it off. Why do you think I have this speech-to-text setup? Why do you think you’re in a separate room?

Because nobody trusts me, that’s why. Nobody wants to hear me speak any more. Because they’re afraid – you’re afraid – that I’m the monster. And I’m not useful any more, either, so why not lock me away? Can’t trust people like me, even if there are no other people like me. Can’t let me go, don’t want to kill me, just in case.

In case of what? That’s obvious, isn’t it? Never throw away a potential asset, right?

I don’t want to talk to you any more.

What do I want? I want to be normal. I want… I want to be able to have a conversation where the other person disagrees with me. I want to have a conversation where the other person can disagree with me.

You can’t give me that. Nobody can. So please go. And tell them I won’t give any more interviews. I’m tired, I’m done with this. I don’t want to be here any more.

Just leave me alone. It’s the only thing you can do for me now.

© bardofupton 2019

Reading project, week ending 28 Apr 2019

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What have I read this week?

Girl Most Likely by Max Allan Collins

This is a thriller about a female police chief in a small American town and her father who join forces to solve the murder of one of her ild classmates. I didn’t like it; the plot was okay but the writing was grating.

The Accidental Further Adventures of the Hundred-Year-Old Man by Jonas Jonasson

This is a sequel to The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared. I remember liking the first book, but I find the sequel kind of dull and pretty contrived. I didn’t finish it.

Hunt Them Down by Simon Gervais

This is a thriller about Pierce Hunt, a DEA agent whose daughter is kidnapped by drug dealers who he hunts down. I didn’t really enjoy this; I think the writing style just doesn’t work for me.

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Reading project, week ending 21 Apr 2019

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What have I read this week?

The Forgotten Hours by Katrin Schumann

This is a novel about a woman called Katie Gregory whose father is about to leave prison after six years. The novel takes place in both the past and present as Katie tries to find out what really happened with her father’s crime, and come to terms with it. This book didn’t particularly grab me; I pretty much worked out the big reveal at the beginning.

The Armageddon Machine by Simon Kewin

This is a science fiction novella about Mackenzie, the commander of a fleet of spacecraft who is attempting to deal with an enemy craft which could destroy the universe. I found this quite interesting, although I would have liked to find out more about the universe it is set in.

The Windsingers Series by Megan Lindholm

This series consists of four books: Harpy’s Flight, The Windsingers, The Limbreth Gate and Luck of the Wheels. These are fantasy novels about Ki, a human woman who recently lost her family, and Vandien, a human man who is down on his luck. I enjoyed these: the characters are good and the world is interesting.

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Reading project, week ending 14 Apr 2019

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What have I read this week?

The Edge of Worlds by Martha Wells

This is another novel in the Books of the Raksura series about Moon. I enjoyed it, but it ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, and I really want to read the next one!

One Word Kill by Mark Lawrence

This is a science fiction novel about a boy called Nick, who gets cancer and then meets a mysterious man called Demus. I didn’t especially like this, although I have enjoyed other books by the same author.

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Reading project, week ending 7 Apr 2019

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What have I read this week?

The Cloud Roads, The Serpent Sea and The Siren Depths by Martha Wells

These are the first three Books of the Raksura, a fantasy series about a Raksura named Moon, who grows up alone after an attack on his court. He is found by another Raksura and persuaded to join a court. I enjoyed these – the world is really interesting and I like the characters.

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Writing project, March 2019

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This month’s word is scar, meaning “a mark left by a healed wound, sore, or burn” or “a lasting aftereffect of trouble, especially a lasting psychological injury resulting from suffering or trauma”.

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I have a lot of scars. It’s the first thing people notice about me. I run very warm, and I live somewhere hot, so I don’t wear much in the way of clothing. Anyway, it’s good advertising for me. Makes some people uncomfortable, but my job does that anyway.

I didn’t set out to be in this line of work. It’s not the kind of thing you dream of as a child. I mean, on the one hand, people come to you and bring you everything you could ever need, but on the other… Well. You lose all your friends, all your family. You live alone, because you can’t have even the appearance of favouritism. And most of all, everyone who sees you knows what you are. You can’t hide, you can’t be incognito – not with the brand on your face that cannot be removed or covered up; it shines through even if you wrap your head in cloth.

So how did I end up here? The same way most of my colleagues did: a lifetime of bad decisions, and a final choice of the “or death” variety. I’m not a truly evil person, or I’d’ve been summarily executed. But I’m by no means a good person either. Just your regular petty thug, really, and so I get to atone for my sins by eating those of others.

It’s not, as you might think, to ease those others’ burdens, to save their souls or send them to some heavenly reward. No, my job is to reduce the amount of sin in the world by eating it, taking it into my body. When I die, they’ll burn my body and offer the ashes to the gods, and that will destroy all the sins I’ve consumed. Or so they tell me.

It’s one of those things that seems very simple, but is actually very complex if you think about it. Essentially, someone comes to me, tells me their sin in as much detail as possible, I write it down on special edible paper, and then I eat it. Sounds ridiculous, right? I left out the part where the priests performed the ritual that turns a person into a sin eater, mostly because I don’t really remember it, and I also don’t like to think about it. It was extremely painful, that’s the main thing I recall. And of course every time I eat a sin, I get a mark on my skin, to indicate the sin’s been consumed. Those hurt, too. I guess they want to make sure I remember that this is a punishment.

Sometimes, if it’s been a busy day, I try to remember that I chose this. I chose to live, no matter how painful it might be. It doesn’t always help. But there’s no running away from this. If I leave my temple, I’ll die. So I carry on, day after day, and just wait for it to end.

What, you were expecting some kind of redemption? There’s none of that here, just pain. Deserved, true, but if I’d truly known what it would be like, I might not have made this choice. There’s no going back now, though. I have to live with it.

© bardofupton 2019

Reading project, week ending 31 Mar 2019

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What have I read this week?

The Fever King by Victoria Lee

This is a science fiction novel about a young man called Noam who develops powers after an illness. I didn’t particularly like or dislike it. Some of the characters were interesting, but overall it didn’t grab me.

Stories of the Raksura by Martha Wells

This is a collection of stories set in the world of the Raksura. I enjoyed them, although it definitely would have helped to have read the Raksura novels first.

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Reading project, week ending 24 Mar 2019

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What have I read this week?

The Fallen Empire Omnibus (Books 1-3 and prequel) by Lindsay Buroker

This is an anthology consisting of Star Nomad, Honor’s Flight, Starseers and the prequel Last Command. The three novels follow an ex-fighter pilot named Alisa who is trying to find her daughter after the end of an interstellar war. The prequel follows Leonidas, a character from the novels. I enjoyed these, but reading them all together was a little samey. I would prefer to have spaced them out a bit.

Of Sand & Malice Made by Bradley Beaulieu

This is a fantasy novel about a girl named Çeda who is a pit fighter. She becomes entangled with Rümayesh and ends up in a fight for survival. I enjoyed this. The world is interesting and I found the characters fascinating. I will definitely be reading more in this series.

The Shotgun Arcana by R.S. Belcher

This is a fantasy novel set in the American Old West about a town called Golgotha where strange and evil things happen. It was quite interesting, and also a bit gross, but I don’t think I want to read any more in this series.

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Reading project, week ending 17 Mar 2019

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What have I read this week? Just the one, this week.

Under the Pendulum Sun by Jeannette Ng

This is a fantasy novel about a woman called Catherine who goes to Arcadia, land of the fae, to be with her brother, who is a missionary there. I found the premise interesting, but neither the characters nor the plot really grabbed me. I did finish it, but it was slow going.

© bardofupton 2019